The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
