Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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