he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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