I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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