we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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