I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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