yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
