the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
