She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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