Man, jail baloney is awful.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
BRING THE BAGELS
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
