so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
