yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
