I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
