Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
