FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just google imaged poop.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
