I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
