Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
