I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
