I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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