did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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