when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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