He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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