Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize