omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
there is glitter all over my balls
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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