I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
