is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
