3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
