Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize