call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
