I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
