so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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