Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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