Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
