If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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