i can't believe i had my finger in that
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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