The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize