I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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