I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
