Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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