God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
