I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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