weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
