Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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