YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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