You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
