Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
