Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize