Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
