I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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