That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
