I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize