So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
