Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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