Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
this just has baby written all over it
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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