I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
