I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
