Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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