just come out here and I will go home with you...
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
