my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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