Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She's the barista slut.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I have aggressive nipples.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
