You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
