so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
