im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
