I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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