Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
