I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I want her autograph on my taint
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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