What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
