Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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