I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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