Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
