Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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