Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
