Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Text me some of your sweat
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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