I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
