is your mom at the bar?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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