If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
