Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
