its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
